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A Mom’s Guide to Actually Being in the Family Photos This Fall
I have thousands of photos of my kids.
Sleeping in my arms.
Picking pumpkins.
Playing at the park.
Covered in birthday cake.
Running through the backyard.
Wearing the outfit I spent entirely too much time choosing.
Holding Dad's hand.
Laughing at breakfast.
Doing absolutely nothing important at all.
I have documented so much of their childhood.
And yet, if I scroll back through certain months, there's one person who can be surprisingly hard to find.
Me.
I know I'm not the only mom who does this.
We're the ones noticing the moment.
We're reaching for the phone.
We're fixing the bow.
We're wiping the face.
We're telling everyone where to stand.
We're taking the picture of Dad walking with the kids because the light looks beautiful.
And before we know it, we've created an incredible record of our family's life that somehow makes it look like we weren't there.
This fall, I want to change that.
Not because I suddenly need hundreds of perfectly posed photographs of myself.
But because someday my children are going to look back at these pictures.
And I want them to see me there too.
You Were There Too
I think moms sometimes forget this.
When your kids look back at their childhood photos, they won't just be looking for themselves.
They'll be looking for you.
What did Mom look like when I was little?
How did she hold me?
What did we do together?
Did we laugh?
Did we bake?
Did we go places?
What did our house look like?
What did she wear?
What did ordinary Tuesday mornings feel like?
You are part of the story they're going to want to remember.
Even if you don't love the way you look right now.
Even if you're waiting to lose weight.
Even if you didn't do your hair.
Even if you're wearing leggings.
Even if the house is messy.
Even if you'd rather be the photographer.
Get in the picture.
1. Stop Waiting for Professional Photos
I love professional family photos.
They're beautiful.
They have a place in our family history.
But if professional pictures are the only time Mom gets into the frame, we're missing so much.
Your children don't only need photographs of everyone wearing coordinating neutrals in a field at sunset.
They need pictures of Saturday morning pancakes.
The pumpkin patch.
Bedtime stories.
Disney movie night.
Walking to get coffee.
Making cookies.
Sitting on the floor playing.
These are the pictures that tell the fuller story.
Professional photos capture what your family looked like.
Everyday photographs capture what your family felt like.
We need both.
2. Hand Someone the Phone
This sounds ridiculously obvious.
But actually do it.
Hand your phone to your husband.
Your mom.
Your friend.
Your sister.
Whoever is there.
And say:
"Can you take a couple pictures of us?"
Not one.
A couple.
Because we all know how one picture goes.
Someone blinks.
A toddler turns around.
Your hair is doing something questionable.
Ask for several.
Better yet, ask them to keep taking pictures while you're interacting with the kids instead of staring directly at the camera.
3. Teach Your Partner How You Like Photos Taken
There.
I said it.
Sometimes the reason Mom doesn't ask for a picture is because she already knows what's coming.
One photo.
Taken from approximately knee level.
At 0.5x.
While you're mid-sentence.
And somehow a trash can is the focal point.
We can fix this.
Show your partner what you like.
Keep the camera around eye or chest level.
Step back a little.
Don't zoom in on my face.
Take several.
Look at the background.
Don't cut off everyone's feet in a full-body photo.
And if the kids are being cute with me?
Take the picture without waiting for me to ask.
That's the big one.
You shouldn't have to be the director of every memory.
4. Use the Timer
Your phone timer is one of the easiest ways to get the entire family into a picture.
Prop your phone somewhere secure or use a small tripod.
Frame the shot.
Set the timer.
Run into the picture.
Is it glamorous?
Absolutely not.
There will probably be at least one photograph of you sprinting toward your family.
But eventually you get the shot.
And the more often you do it, the less awkward it feels.
5. Buy a Tiny Tripod
If I were recommending one thing to moms who want more family photos, this might be it.
A small phone tripod is inexpensive, easy to throw into the car and makes it possible to take pictures almost anywhere.
Pumpkin patch.
Family hike.
Vacation.
Backyard.
Christmas morning.
Birthday morning.
Even an ordinary afternoon at home.
You don't need a huge professional setup.
You just need something that can securely hold your phone.
6. Video First, Screenshot Later
This is one of my favorite tricks with little kids.
Set your phone up.
Record a video.
Then forget about it.
Walk with the kids.
Play.
Tickle them.
Pick them up.
Talk.
Move.
Later, you can pull still frames from the video.
The quality may not always match a dedicated photograph, but you often capture moments you never would have gotten while everyone was trying to pose.
It also removes the pressure of getting one perfect second.
7. Stop Asking Little Kids to Look at the Camera
At least not every time.
Some of my favorite family photos happen when nobody is looking at the camera.
Walk away holding hands.
Pick up your toddler.
Fix your daughter's bow.
Whisper something to your child.
Look at each other.
Let the kids explore.
Cuddle.
Laugh.
The goal isn't always five faces smiling directly at the lens.
Sometimes the interaction is the picture.
8. Photograph the Ordinary
This one matters to me the most.
Take the pumpkin-patch photo.
Of course.
But also take the photo of your child sitting on the kitchen counter while you're making muffins.
Take the picture of everyone piled onto the couch.
Take the picture of you reading the bedtime story.
Take the picture of your toddler helping you stir something.
Take the rainy-day photo.
Take the grocery-store photo.
Take the picture where your hair is in a bun and you're wearing the sweatshirt you've worn three times that week.
Because when our kids are grown, I don't think the ordinary photographs are going to feel ordinary anymore.
9. Ask Your Friends to Take Candids of You
This is something I wish women did for each other more often.
If you're at the pumpkin patch with another mom and she is having a sweet moment with her child?
Take the picture.
Don't wait for her to ask.
Take a few.
Then send them to her.
And hopefully she'll start doing the same for you.
Some of the best pictures of motherhood happen when Mom doesn't know the camera is there.
10. Don't Delete the Picture Immediately
We're so hard on ourselves.
You see the picture and immediately notice:
Your stomach.
Your chin.
Your arm.
Your hair.
Something about your smile.
And delete.
But try something different.
Keep it.
You don't have to post it.
You don't have to make it your profile picture.
Just keep it.
Look at it again in a year.
I can almost guarantee you'll see it differently.
You'll notice how tiny your child looked next to you.
You'll notice their hand wrapped around your finger.
You'll remember where you were.
The thing you were criticizing probably won't be the thing you see anymore.
11. Wear Something You Feel Like Yourself In
Family pictures aren't the time to experiment with an outfit that makes you uncomfortable.
You want to be able to move.
Sit.
Pick up your child.
Walk.
Crouch down.
And forget about what you're wearing.
For fall, my favorite family-photo formula is incredibly simple:
Great denim.
A beautiful sweater.
A classic jacket.
Comfortable boots or loafers.
Simple jewelry.
Nothing groundbreaking.
Just classic pieces that still look like you.
If you're comfortable, you're much more likely to relax in front of the camera.
12. Coordinate—Don't Match
For family photos, I like choosing a palette rather than choosing matching outfits.
For fall, something like:
Cream.
Camel.
Navy.
Denim.
Olive.
Chocolate brown.
Maybe a touch of burgundy.
Then let everyone wear different combinations.
One person might wear denim and cream.
Someone else navy and camel.
A child could wear olive.
Another could wear plaid that ties several colors together.
It looks cohesive without making everyone look like they came in a family-photo package.
13. Give Kids Something to Do
If you're taking intentional family photos, don't spend 45 minutes demanding that little kids smile.
Give them something to do.
Collect leaves.
Walk.
Throw leaves.
Pick pumpkins.
Sit on a blanket.
Read a book.
Pull a wagon.
Run toward you.
Movement creates natural expressions.
It also feels a lot more like your actual family.
14. Get Down on Their Level
Some of my favorite motherhood photos aren't standing full-body pictures.
Sit on the ground.
Crouch down.
Let your toddler climb onto your lap.
Sit on the front steps.
Lay on the blanket.
Get into their world.
The physical closeness tells so much more of the story.
15. Don't Forget the Details
Not every photo needs faces.
Photograph their little hand in yours.
Their boots beside yours.
Your hand fixing their hair.
A toddler sitting on your lap.
The back of their head on your shoulder.
Their hand reaching for yours.
These detail photographs can be incredibly emotional later because they show scale.
One day that little hand won't be so little.
16. Take the Same Photo Every Year
This is one of the easiest traditions to start.
Choose a place or pose and repeat it every fall.
The front porch.
The pumpkin patch.
Under the same tree.
Sitting on the same steps.
You don't realize how quickly children are changing until you put those photos beside each other.
What starts as a cute seasonal picture becomes a timeline of childhood.
17. Let the House Be Messy
You don't need to clean your entire house before documenting your family inside it.
Move the laundry basket if it's driving you crazy.
Fine.
But don't wait for your home to look like a magazine.
Your children aren't going to look at an old picture and say:
"Wow. Mom really should have cleared that counter."
They're going to notice their childhood home.
The sofa they climbed on.
The toys they played with.
The kitchen where you made pancakes.
The bedroom where they slept.
The mess is part of the history too.
18. Print the Photos
This is the step I'm trying to be better about.
Because having 42,000 photographs sitting in your phone isn't quite the same as having a family archive.
Print them.
Not all of them.
Choose your favorites.
Make a fall album.
Create one family photo book each year.
Put a picture into a frame.
Let your kids flip through the albums.
There is something different about holding a photograph.
19. Take Pictures With Your Own Mom
This one deserves its own section.
If you're lucky enough to still have your mom, grandmother or another woman who helped raise you in your life, take the picture.
And get in it.
Three generations.
Four generations.
Whatever you're blessed with.
Don't wait for everyone to look perfect.
Take it now.
20. Give Yourself the Same Grace You Give Your Kids
When you photograph your children, you aren't analyzing their bodies.
You're seeing them.
Their smile.
Their personality.
The way they looked at this age.
The tiny details you don't want to forget.
Try to look at photographs of yourself with a little of that same kindness.
Your kids already do.
They aren't going to look at a picture of you holding them and think about whether your outfit was flattering.
They're going to see their mom.
The Five Photos I Want Every Fall
If taking more pictures feels overwhelming, forget everything else and get these five:
1. Mom with each child individually.
Not just the whole family.
You and them.
2. Mom with all the kids.
Candid is perfect.
3. The entire family together.
At least one.
4. An ordinary moment at home.
Cooking, reading, playing, cuddling.
5. One photo you repeat every year.
That's it.
Five photographs.
If you do nothing else, you'll still have a beautiful little record of the season.
A Note to the Mom Who Doesn't Want Her Picture Taken
Maybe you're reading this and thinking:
This sounds nice, but I really don't want to be in pictures right now.
I understand that feeling.
There are seasons when we don't feel completely like ourselves.
Bodies change.
Life changes.
Motherhood changes us.
Sometimes we're exhausted.
Sometimes we're not wearing the size we thought we'd be wearing.
Sometimes we look at photographs and see everything except the person our children see.
But here's the thing.
You don't need to love every photograph.
You don't even need to like every photograph.
You just need to exist in some of them.
Keep the picture anyway.
Because the photograph isn't only for you today.
It's for you ten years from now.
It's for your children twenty years from now.
It's for the family album someone will open decades from now.
And I have a feeling the version of you looking back will be much gentler with the woman in that photograph than you are being with her today.
Get in the Frame
This fall, I'm still going to take hundreds of pictures of my kids.
Of course I am.
I'm going to photograph the pumpkin patch.
The little outfits.
The leaf piles.
The crafts.
The rainy walks.
The Halloween costumes.
The tiny hands making something in the kitchen.
But I'm also going to hand the phone over.
I'm going to set up the tripod.
I'm going to get into the frame even when I don't feel completely ready.
Because I was there too.
I was the one packing the snacks.
Buttoning the coat.
Carrying the toddler.
Finding the lost shoe.
Planning the outing.
Reading the story.
Baking the muffins.
Making the magic.
I don't want our family albums to show only the magic I created.
I want them to show the mom who was there creating it.
So take the picture.
Don't wait until you lose ten pounds.
Don't wait until your hair is done.
Don't wait until the house is cleaner.
Don't wait for professional photos.
Hand someone your phone.
Stand beside your babies.
And get in the frame.
One day, that ordinary photograph might be one of the most valuable things you have.
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